Post by wp2003 on Jul 14, 2008 1:27:16 GMT -6
they probably should go in the jokes thread, but they'd never get read.......
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order.
Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.
Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Chuck Norris to live in the White House. The reason for this is because Chuck Norris had won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in his place.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order.
Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.
Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Chuck Norris to live in the White House. The reason for this is because Chuck Norris had won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in his place.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
