Post by wp2003 on Jun 14, 2008 12:48:00 GMT -6
is this mean??
or this one
this is hilarious
Why did the woman cross the road?
Who cares, she should be in the kitchen where she belongs
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing . . . she's been told twice already
Why does a bride wear white?
So she can match the rest of the kitchen appliances.
Why doesn't a woman need a driver's license?
Because its not that far from the bedroom to the kitchen.
Wife says we can't afford beer anymore. Husband says no more makeup then. Wife says, but I want to look pretty for you. Husband says thats what the beer is for.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
What does a shelter full of battered women have in common?
None of them know when to shut the EF up.
God was looking down on Eden one day and noticed Adam sitting on a stump with his head in his hand.
God came to Adam and said “What’s the matter? I’ve given you a paradise and you look saddened.”
“It’s true Lord” Adam replied “You’ve provided well for me… yet I can’t help but feel lonely. I have no one to talk with, no one to laugh with… I’m lonely”
God thought for a while and said….
“I’ll tell you what Adam, I’ll give you a mate. She’ll love you and hold you. She’ll pleasure you physically in ways you couldn’t possibly imagine. She’ll hang on your every word and have all the right responses to any question you might have. She’ll never look down on you and act in any way that will belittle you. She’ll never complain and always agree with you. She’ll laugh at your jokes and understand the difference between a Phillips and a flat head…”
“A Phillips and Flat head Lord?”
“Yes, she’ll be all this but I’ll need to take from you to create her Adam.”
“It sounds great Lord, what do you need?” Adam asked.
"I’ll need an arm and a leg Adam. It’s a tall order.” God replied.
Adam thought for a minute.
“What can I get for a rib?”
And the rest is history gentlemen.
A city slicker shoots a duck out in the country. As he’s retrieving it, a farmer walks up and stops him, claiming that since the duck is on his farm, it technically belongs to him. After minutes of arguing, the farmer proposes they settle the matter "country style."
"What’s country style?" asks the city boy.
"Out here in the country," the farmer says, "when two fellers have a dispute, one feller kicks the other one in the balls as hard as he can. Then that feller, why, he kicks the first one as hard as he can. And so forth. Last man standin’ wins the dispute."
Warily the city boy agrees and prepares himself. The farmer hauls off and kicks him in the groin with all his might. The city boy falls to the ground in the most intense pain he’s ever felt, crying like a baby and coughing up blood. Finally he staggers to his feet and says, "All right, n-now it’s–it’s m-my turn."
The farmer grins. "Aw, hell, you win. Keep the duck."
I pulled into the parking lot of a crowded supermarket the other day and rolled down the windows to make sure my new Labrador puppy had some fresh air.
He was sprawled out on the backseat and wanted to make sure he understood that I wanted him to remain there and not jump over my seats.
I walked backward away from the car constantly saying, "Stay. Good boy. You stay there. STAY. STAY."
Just then a pretty blonde lady walked by and said, "You know, you won't have that problem if you just put the car in PARK."
A blonde and a brunette both board an elevator and push the buttons for their respective floors. On the next floor, the door opens and a businessman wearing a black suit boards the elevator. It’s evident that the man has dandruff problems, because it can be seen on the shoulder of his suit.
Two floors later the man gets off, and the two women remain. When the door closes the brunette says, “Someone should give that guy some Head & Shoulders.”
The blonde then responds, “How do you give shoulders?”
Mexican Words of the Day
* JUAREZ *
My vieja slapped me and I said JUAREZ your problem!!
*MUSHROOM*
When my familia gets in the car there's not MUSHROOM left!
*CHICKEN*
My wife wants me to go to the store pero CHICKEN go herself!
*LIVER and CHEESE*
I went to dis bar and some vato try to hit up on my vieja. I said "Ey vato LIVER alone CHEESE with me!!"
*JULY*
You told me you loved me but JULY to me!
*PUTA*
Eh! PUTA phone down and get back to work
* TEXAS *
My stupid friend don't call no more, jus TEXAS me.
*TISSUE*
Hey Vato if you don no how to do it, let me TISSUE.
*JEWISH*
Me carnelito asked to drive me carucho and I say JEWISH.
*HARRASMENT*
Orale vato my vieja caught me in bed with my sancha pero that's okay cuz I told her that HARASSMENT nothing to me!"
*BRIEF*
My homie farted so bad I couldn't BRIEF.
*Bishop*
We went to the movies and Lupe fell down and I had to pick the BISHOP!!
*HERPES*
Me and my ruca, we order pizza. I got my piece and she got HERPES!!
*WATER*
My viejia gets mad and i don't even know WATER problem is!
*SODAS*
My ruca cooks good and SODAS her sister.
*INJURE*
Me and my jefe were playin poker and he beat me... he said INJURE face ******!!
or this one
this is hilarious
Why did the woman cross the road?
Who cares, she should be in the kitchen where she belongs
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing . . . she's been told twice already
Why does a bride wear white?
So she can match the rest of the kitchen appliances.
Why doesn't a woman need a driver's license?
Because its not that far from the bedroom to the kitchen.
Wife says we can't afford beer anymore. Husband says no more makeup then. Wife says, but I want to look pretty for you. Husband says thats what the beer is for.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
What does a shelter full of battered women have in common?
None of them know when to shut the EF up.
God was looking down on Eden one day and noticed Adam sitting on a stump with his head in his hand.
God came to Adam and said “What’s the matter? I’ve given you a paradise and you look saddened.”
“It’s true Lord” Adam replied “You’ve provided well for me… yet I can’t help but feel lonely. I have no one to talk with, no one to laugh with… I’m lonely”
God thought for a while and said….
“I’ll tell you what Adam, I’ll give you a mate. She’ll love you and hold you. She’ll pleasure you physically in ways you couldn’t possibly imagine. She’ll hang on your every word and have all the right responses to any question you might have. She’ll never look down on you and act in any way that will belittle you. She’ll never complain and always agree with you. She’ll laugh at your jokes and understand the difference between a Phillips and a flat head…”
“A Phillips and Flat head Lord?”
“Yes, she’ll be all this but I’ll need to take from you to create her Adam.”
“It sounds great Lord, what do you need?” Adam asked.
"I’ll need an arm and a leg Adam. It’s a tall order.” God replied.
Adam thought for a minute.
“What can I get for a rib?”
And the rest is history gentlemen.
A city slicker shoots a duck out in the country. As he’s retrieving it, a farmer walks up and stops him, claiming that since the duck is on his farm, it technically belongs to him. After minutes of arguing, the farmer proposes they settle the matter "country style."
"What’s country style?" asks the city boy.
"Out here in the country," the farmer says, "when two fellers have a dispute, one feller kicks the other one in the balls as hard as he can. Then that feller, why, he kicks the first one as hard as he can. And so forth. Last man standin’ wins the dispute."
Warily the city boy agrees and prepares himself. The farmer hauls off and kicks him in the groin with all his might. The city boy falls to the ground in the most intense pain he’s ever felt, crying like a baby and coughing up blood. Finally he staggers to his feet and says, "All right, n-now it’s–it’s m-my turn."
The farmer grins. "Aw, hell, you win. Keep the duck."
I pulled into the parking lot of a crowded supermarket the other day and rolled down the windows to make sure my new Labrador puppy had some fresh air.
He was sprawled out on the backseat and wanted to make sure he understood that I wanted him to remain there and not jump over my seats.
I walked backward away from the car constantly saying, "Stay. Good boy. You stay there. STAY. STAY."
Just then a pretty blonde lady walked by and said, "You know, you won't have that problem if you just put the car in PARK."
A blonde and a brunette both board an elevator and push the buttons for their respective floors. On the next floor, the door opens and a businessman wearing a black suit boards the elevator. It’s evident that the man has dandruff problems, because it can be seen on the shoulder of his suit.
Two floors later the man gets off, and the two women remain. When the door closes the brunette says, “Someone should give that guy some Head & Shoulders.”
The blonde then responds, “How do you give shoulders?”
Mexican Words of the Day
* JUAREZ *
My vieja slapped me and I said JUAREZ your problem!!
*MUSHROOM*
When my familia gets in the car there's not MUSHROOM left!
*CHICKEN*
My wife wants me to go to the store pero CHICKEN go herself!
*LIVER and CHEESE*
I went to dis bar and some vato try to hit up on my vieja. I said "Ey vato LIVER alone CHEESE with me!!"
*JULY*
You told me you loved me but JULY to me!
*PUTA*
Eh! PUTA phone down and get back to work
* TEXAS *
My stupid friend don't call no more, jus TEXAS me.
*TISSUE*
Hey Vato if you don no how to do it, let me TISSUE.
*JEWISH*
Me carnelito asked to drive me carucho and I say JEWISH.
*HARRASMENT*
Orale vato my vieja caught me in bed with my sancha pero that's okay cuz I told her that HARASSMENT nothing to me!"
*BRIEF*
My homie farted so bad I couldn't BRIEF.
*Bishop*
We went to the movies and Lupe fell down and I had to pick the BISHOP!!
*HERPES*
Me and my ruca, we order pizza. I got my piece and she got HERPES!!
*WATER*
My viejia gets mad and i don't even know WATER problem is!
*SODAS*
My ruca cooks good and SODAS her sister.
*INJURE*
Me and my jefe were playin poker and he beat me... he said INJURE face ******!!
